Sunday, January 25, 2015

Yes, Virginia, Santa's Coming Back This Year

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Santa's annual Christmas deliveries have become an eagerly anticipated annual tradition around the world. But one little girl is worried that Santa won't come back this year do to a mishap during his visit last year.


When reached for comment at his home in the North Pole, Santa Claus said, "Ho, ho, ho. Of course I'm coming back this year!" A spokeself for Santa's Workshop announced earlier today that Santa has once again selected December 25th, exactly 11 months from today, as the date of his next visit. Experts recommend staying on Santa's Nice List until then, as Mr. Claus is expected to load lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.

William Hardy and Billy Moore wrote Santa Claus Got Stuck in My Chimney in 1950. The song was originally recorded by jazz great Ella Fitzgerald. You can download her version for just 69 cents at Amazon.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Penguin Awareness Day

January 20th is Penguin Awareness Day!

Many astute readers of my book, North Pole High: A Rebel Without a Claus, have asked me how is is that my family has a penguin for a chef.

As everybody knows, penguins are found in Antarctica, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, Chile, Peru, the Falkland Islands, and the Galapagos Islands -- NOT in the North Pole.

Well, it's a short story. Literally. Shortly after my book came out, I released a collection of short stories by some of my closest friends. Chefy's story of how he came to live in the North Pole is one of those. Here's a taste:

The First Welcoming Feast (Excerpt)
by Chefy

An oral history of Chefy, as told to Candycane Claus.

Chefy, the Claus family's penguin chef, from North Pole High. Penguin Awareness Day.
My story? Why, thank you for asking. I am beyond flattered. Nobody here ever wishes to be regaled by my glorious tales from the south lands, much less comes straight out and requests to hear one.

Let me see. Where to begin? I was hatched by my father many, many years ago on the South Shetland Islands, where I developed an interest in cooking at an early age. I simply could not stomach my parents’ food preparation methods. You see, first they’d eat my meal themselves—to ensure it was not poisonous, they’d say—then regurgitate the already digested food into my beak. Now I ask you, is that any way for a young chick to enjoy the sumptuous taste of a fine kettle of fish?

Are you getting all of this? Please do let me know if I am going too fast.

Anyway, by the time my adult feathers came in, I had already invented a number of signature dishes out of little more than snow, ice, rocks, calling bird feathers, and magic algae from the floor of the sea. One day I waddled up to my parents and said, “Excuse me, please, but I have decided to be a chef.”

My older brother fell in the snow and rolled about, laughing.

“And just whom, pray tell, do you plan to chef for?” my mother nay-said, slurping a mollusk off her webbed foot. “Not everyone in the South Pole is a fussy eater like you. Most of us are fine with our food the way it comes.”

“If our baby wishes to spend his life wearing that funny hat and an apron,” my father began, in his grandest attempt to sound supportive, “what harm could it do?”

To show my commitment to my new occupation, I decided to change my name. “From now on, I want you all to call me Chefy.”

To my delightful surprise, they agreed to comply with this instruction, though that may have been more because my given penguin name, Ejarkthamaptonaraaliey Yennnnisferiptidognoman, was so difficult to pronounce. The ‘g’ is silent.

“And to answer your question, mother, it is my dream to one day cook an immense feast for His Honor, Mr. Claus.”

* * * * *

I guess it's not that short a story. If you want to learn the true story behind the South Pole Flying Seal Think Tank and the subsequent North and South Polar Trade Agreement and how it all led to my father discovering Chefy and bringing his talents to the North Pole, then celebrate Penguin Awareness Day with North Pole High: Beginnings, available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Google Play.
North Pole High: Beginnings, a collection of short origin stories compiled and edited by Candace Jane Kringle, author of North Pole High: A Rebel Without a Claus

Friday, December 26, 2014

Christmastime is past...


Christmastime is past.
Santa had a blast.
Girls and boys all got new toys.
Now sleep is here at last.

Santa crashes after a long night of delivering toys.


Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Hang a Shining Star

North Pole High: A Rebel Without a Claus

You can hang on shining star on Christmas for this year, because it's ON! Santa has left the Circle.

While watching the elves load up the sleigh, I noticed that a lot of you asked my dad to bring you my critically acclaimed book, North Pole High: A Rebel Without a Claus. I thank you for that, and I am super flattered.

North Pole High: A Rebel Without a Claus - a memoir by Candace Jane Kringle (available in paperback and electronic editions from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Google Play)

No matter what Daddy gives you this year, may it bring you happiness and joy. I wish you the merriest of Christmases and the happiest new year ever.

Remember to be Nice and my dad will bring you more goodies next Christmas!

Can't wait for next Christmas? If you find a device under your tree that lets you read electronic books, or a gift card in your stocking to an online retailer of ebooks, you can visit the North Pole and jingle your bells any time of the year in the virtual pages of North Pole High: A Rebel Without a Claus.

Monday, December 22, 2014

The Great Scrooge-Off

Poor Ebenezer. He's the guy you loved to hate, until he found his Christmas Spirit. So it seems like an oxymoron to be looking for the "best" Scrooge. But that is the question I pose to you now.

Here are my five favorite Scrooges:

Jim Carrey

Grinch and Grinchier: Jim Carrey starred as The Grinch in 2000 and as Scrooge in 2009.

Okay, this is one actor with some serious Christmas issues. First he played The Grinch in the 2000 live-action version of How The Grinch Stole Christmas. A mere nine years later, the Dumb and Dumber star bah-humbugged his way through Disney's motion-capture-animated version of A Christmas Carol. How many lumps of coal did this guy get from Santa anyway?

Henry Winkler

Hey, that's the Fonz, Henry Winkler, as the Scroogey Benedict Slade in AN AMERICAN CHRISTMAS CAROL (1979).

At the height of his Fonziness, Winkler brought Dickens' character stateside, renaming him Benedict Slade, for the 1979 TV movie An American Christmas Carol. More recently, the former Fonz has celebrated the season with appearances in the TV movies Merry Christmas, Drake & Josh on Nickelodeon and The Most Wonderful Time of the Year on Hallmark, both from 2008.

Michael Caine

Holy Bah-Humbug! Batman's butler Michael Caine stars as Scrooge in 1992's THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL with Kermit the Frog.

A two-time Academy Award winner and thrice Batman's butler, Sir Michael sang his bah-humbugs to Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, and a trio of Muppety ghosts in the 1992 musical comedy The Muppet Christmas Carol. He was still pretty mean.

Scrooge McDuck

Donald Duck's nephew, Scrooge McDuck, stars as his namesake and idol, Ebenezer Scrooge, in 1983's MICKEY'S CHRISTMAS CAROL

Talk about a method actor! Mr. McDuck modeled his whole life on his Dickensian namesake. The miserly duck first appeared in his nephew's comic book in 1947, eventually headlining his own series, Uncle Scrooge, beginning in 1952. But it wasn't until 1983 that he finally got to portray his "hero," Ebenezer Scrooge, on the big screen in the Oscar-nominated short Mickey's Christmas Carol.

Patrick Stewart

Professor X (Patrick Stewart) is visited by the Android of Christmas Past in TNT's 1999 adaptation of A CHRISTMAS CAROL. Make it so.

Shakespearean actor and former Starfleet commander Jean-Luc "Patrick Stewart" Picard took the conn for TNT's 1999 adaptation of A Christmas Carol after creating a one-man stage show based on the novel that he performed on Broadway and in London. As convincing a portrayal as a holodeck simulation.

So there you have it. The Grinch, the Fonz, Batman's butler, Donald Duck's uncle, and Professor X have all gotten their Scrooge on. Still can't decide which is your favorite? You can stream all these Scroogetacular performances (and more) at Amazon.com.